Beloved, 

It’s November. This month, we have many critical milestones to accomplish. Please keep your eyes, ears, mind, and heart open. Take a bulletin home, check our weekly e-communication, listen carefully to the announcements during the service, and please read this monthly newsletter.

All the milestones point to the theme of gratitude. We thank God for all the blessings in our lives, each other, the legacy of the faithful departed, the living community in this borrowed time, and the opportunities we share to follow Jesus. We lose ourselves in prayers as we converse with God. We learn of God’s abundant love, seen and unseen, from the Spirit of living God around us. We share God’s generous love with the world through services, just like Jesus did.

Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and pause to consider the following questions. What are you thankful for this year, season, month, week, or today? If you have trouble finding gratitude, ask yourself what goes through your mind. Do you need help with everything you must do to get by each day? Are you frustrated and angry about your job, health, finances, relationships with friends and family, or even the presidential election? Are you sad and grieving over the loss of someone you love? Are you feeling lonely and isolated? Would you rather say to God, “Why me, Lord!” instead of expressing gratitude? If any of these sounds familiar, don’t try to ignore, deny, or run away from them. It is ok to sit with these feelings because your honesty leads us to the truth. I wish I had known that sooner. As long as we live, we are bound to spend some time in the spiritual wilderness at one time or another. So if you happen to be feeling down, I pray you know you won’t have to go through the spiritual wilderness alone as we walk beside you. Know that, in Jesus, we are never alone. 

As many of you have heard me say, passing peace was my least favorite part of the liturgy when I first started attending church; it felt disingenuous and superficial. I even snuck out to the bathroom occasionally to avoid it. I could not bear forcing myself to smile while screaming inside, “Does anybody care?” I listened to a pastor preaching love and saw everyone proud of their loving community on Sundays. Yet, I noticed some suddenly stopped attending and later learned why they were no longer with us: some over petty arguments, disagreements, likes and dislikes, relocation, or even death. Why did nobody say anything? It made me sarcastically wonder whatever happened to all their big talk about love. Instead, I heard more justification for their hatred and judgmentalness. Either that or cheap guilt and apathy. Critically observing the church, I told myself, “The church is the last place I want to be when barely making it!” It was like the church stood between my desperate self and God. I was not about to be dragged into the world of The Stepford Wives, where highly curated, pitch-perfect superficial happiness sucked the air right out of my lungs. 

After a long period of spiritual wilderness, I eventually got tired of being miserable and ran out of worms to eat. It was that moment when I was struck with a revelation that pulled me out of the darkness. There was a lady who always sat next to me at church. I learned one Sunday that she was dying. She always had excellent posture, standing and kneeling, and a beautiful angelic singing voice. She kindly guided me with a smile whenever I was lost as to which page to turn in the prayer book. She was also an incredible cook; she could cook anything. Her homemade potluck dish alone made me return to the church. I was clueless about her limited time because of how she carried herself. As her time approached the end, she told me how much she enjoyed getting to know me and watching my faith grow, so much so that She looked forward to seeing me every Sunday. When I missed Sundays, she was worried and prayed for me. I will never forget her telling me I was a friend God blessed and sent to her. Her words blew me away! How could a guy, poor, bitter, and full of glitters, possibly be blessed? If anybody, she was the blessed one God sent to bring me out of the spiritual wilderness.

If you have trouble finding gratitude today and struggle with anxiety, depression, frustration, anger, loneliness, loss, or grief, please do not try to ignore, deny, or run away. You do not need to disappear. I pray you feel safe sitting in the pew with your honest feelings. I hope you know the church becomes a brave space because you are in it. You might be a blessing to someone somewhere, though you may know nothing about it. I, for one, know that you are a blessing to me. This is how the church should be always. That’s how St. Paul’s family always strives to be. To achieve this, we need you and each other. Let us continue dedicating our lives to praying, learning, and serving to be the hands of Christ, much like our old friends extended their hands to us. Let us commit to be a better servant. Mark your calendar on All Saints Sunday on November the 3rd, Commitment Sunday on the 24th, and Thanksgiving Eve Service on 11/7 at 6 p.m. Make Jesus proud with the ministry of your presence.

With Gratitude, 

Fr. Andrew